Rumpy's Self-Help

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Treats.
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Volume One: Keeping the Treats Flowing
Cost: 1 Bag of Treats
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    So you want to keep those treats flowing into that belly of yours. Here is how to do it.
    First make sure you keep the pawrents really well wrapped around your paw. They are your furst line to the treats. 
    No matter if you live as an only cat or in a multi cat home develop a haunting wail-meow. Bring it from the very bottom of your toes and let it pour out to let them know you will DIE if you do not get treats, and a LOT of them! I suggest laying on your side and dragging yourself over to where they are kept. Wail the whole time and look up at them so they know you will not make it without treats! Don't forget to demand them before, on top of and after meals! 
    Remember to watch the pawrent who is giving you the treats. See where they get them from and be ready to snag a bag. I try this regularly but Dad is on to me. Do it once and then hold off for a week or so. That way they will think the bagger at the grocery is an idiot and never think you sneaked them off. If there is a woofie, ugh, in your home put the bag in their sleeping spot. Misdirected blame is great entertainment.
    Having family is even better. Grab theirs any chance you get and if they try and stop you get sneaky. Remember, you are the King of the Treat Castle so don't ever allow them to get those treats back. Look them in the eyes and then feint to the left or right, whichever is their weakest side, and snag the treats. They will expect a fight and all you want are the treats. Let them get all worked up while you crunch and munch.

    No whacking back is the secret I learned from histories famous Treat Masters. Good old Big Belly Bob and Hunger Henry would just snag treats off of the family when they were put down. The key is to eat the treat and then just sit and take the whack from the cat you stole off of. Your human will think you are the kitty being taken advantage of and give you more. If you can stand a few whacks in the face or head no worries as long as you get the prize. Maybe start some fracas in your home to toughen yourself up. MOL.

    Once you master these simple paw-steps the treats will be rolling in but remember to practice, practice, practice. Actually this is the best part as when you practice you get treats!

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